"As Is"

For the last few days, I sleep with kakak in her room. Adik sleep with my sister in my room. Adik’s having selsema so aircond is total no-no. Last night, I slept early. Well not that early. Around 11 pm. Kakak came in later. Of course la I tak sedar. Tidur mati. But tgh malam ada la terjaga. Coz I heard kakak like bunyi2. That’s not something new coz almost every nite she will have the bunyi2 and then she will sleep back. However last nite slightly different. After the bunyi2, silence for a while. Tetiba jaga dia dah kat sebelah.

“Kakak tak bole tido bie…”
“Laaa… naper lak? tadi ok jer…dah gi tdo…”
“Tapi kakak tak bole tido”.
“Gi la baring dulu… nanti tido la” Talking to her with my eyes close.

Kakak pun gi baring kat tempat tido dia.

“Bie bukak lampu… kakak tak bole tido”
“Kalau bukak lampu camne nak tido?”!!
Menggelegak dah nih!. I raised my voice to kakak. Then she started crying. Dah mula la tu…. Lagi kuat dia nangis lagi kuat I scolded her. (Apa nk jadi aku nih!). Then I told her if you want the light I have to get out from the room as I cannot sleep with lights on. Then she increase her crying volume. ARRGGHHH!!..

“Bie nk tido la kakak. Esok bie keje. Paham tak? Malas la nk layan kakak” (I cannot believe I said that!!) So I bangun wanted to go to the toilet. Lagi kuat dia nangis. Dia ingat I wanted to leave her there. Later mama dia terjaga and kuar tanya kenapa?. Masa tu la baru tersentak!! (Yup… tersentak/tersedar masa dlm toilet)

1.Yang aku gi gaduh dgn budak umo 7 tahun kenapa? Sian dia.
2.Apsal tetiba tahap kesabaran merundum?
3.For all this while I allow kakak and adik to share bed with me, but why not now?
4.Pity her. Tah2 dia kena ‘kacau’ ke. Lately kan she don’t want to talk about ‘it’.

So pagi tadi before off to work, I kinda wake her up. Just to say that I’m sorry. Sorry I yelled at her. Sorry that I raised my voice, sorry that I don’t even think to offer her to share the bed with me. And most of all, sorry for not understanding her…

SORRY KAKAK!!!